Mustardnight

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Mustardnight

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 June 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2242
  • Number of comments : 257
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Mustardnight : Loves hockey, passionate walks on the beaches of Peruvia

Mustardnight's page activity

Visits<b>xoxkaeliii7</b> - the 07/07/2013 at 9:54am<b>anna19</b> - the 11/22/2011 at 4:14pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:32pm<b>Riiley</b> - the 06/15/2011 at 10:34am<b>partygurl97</b> - the 05/15/2011 at 9:59pm<b>CaptainPickles72</b> - the 04/23/2011 at 2:10pm<b>J_rockk10</b> - the 03/24/2011 at 6:27pm<b>Tab1fan</b> - the 02/15/2011 at 9:37am<b>BJ94</b> - the 01/22/2011 at 1:38pm<b></b> - the 01/10/2011 at 11:32pm<b>FML_cutiepie</b> - the 12/18/2010 at 10:40pm<b>xxmollyxx</b> - the 12/16/2010 at 3:55pm<b>perdix</b> - the 12/16/2010 at 10:48am<b>IntoTheClouds</b> - the 11/21/2010 at 3:29pm<b>liferox22</b> - the 11/13/2010 at 10:30am<b>Fnyrri</b> - the 11/10/2010 at 11:48am<b>melodyne</b> - the 10/16/2010 at 6:27pm<b>powersticks</b> - the 10/16/2010 at 4:52pm

Mustardnight's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Mustardnight's favorite FMLs

Today, a white guy tried to teach me to use chopsticks properly. I'm Chinese and have been using them since I could eat. FML

by black_commet08 / 02/10/2010 at 12:11am / Love

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

by Hugh_Jankles / 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML

by leigh2812 / 01/05/2010 at 5:03pm / Love

Today, my girlfriend left me for my sister. I can't stop thinking about all those days they went out alone for "girl time." FML

by notgoodenough38 / 12/27/2009 at 5:34pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

by axwound / 12/27/2009 at 8:04am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

by BathroomMuch / 12/25/2009 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

by ScarredForLife / 12/25/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work at Hollywood Video. A guy came in and left without renting anything. Minutes later, I find human feces between the "Kids" and "Comedy" aisles. FML

by Van / 12/20/2009 at 1:32am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

by Ryan / 12/18/2009 at 12:09am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML

by Mike / 12/17/2009 at 11:38am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML

by gettingacat / 12/17/2009 at 9:32am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

by life_suxxx / 12/17/2009 at 1:09am / United States (Mississippi) / Animals

Today, I tried to rid my son of his pacifier. He still uses it to sleep. My son is 20 years old. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML

by Proof-Reader / 12/15/2009 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Love