About Mustardnight : Loves hockey, passionate walks on the beaches of Peruvia
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, a white guy tried to teach me to use chopsticks properly. I'm Chinese and have been using them since I could eat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24243) - you deserved it (3831)
On 02/10/2010 at 12:11am - love - by black_commet08 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21850) - you deserved it (28366)
On 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by Hugh_Jankles (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was watching Free Willy with my boyfriend. It was at the part where the boy leaned into the water to give Willy a hug. I asked, "How do you even hug a whale?" My boyfriend rolled over and gave me a hug, and said, "Like this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29401) - you deserved it (9915)
On 01/05/2010 at 5:03pm - love - by leigh2812 - Sent from mobile version
Today, my girlfriend left me for my sister. I can't stop thinking about all those days they went out alone for "girl time." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36310) - you deserved it (2627)
On 12/27/2009 at 5:34pm - love - by notgoodenough38 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9356) - you deserved it (18488)
On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24950) - you deserved it (5495)
On 12/25/2009 at 11:15am - kids - by BathroomMuch (man) - United States (California)
Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22927) - you deserved it (8325)
On 12/25/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by ScarredForLife (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20975) - you deserved it (9436)
On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was at work at Hollywood Video. A guy came in and left without renting anything. Minutes later, I find human feces between the "Kids" and "Comedy" aisles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24451) - you deserved it (1346)
On 12/20/2009 at 1:32am - work - by Van (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21270) - you deserved it (7114)
On 12/18/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Ryan (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got in an elevator at a hotel. Just as the door was closing, somebody banged into the door and stuck their hand through. I yelled, "What, are you retarded?!" The doors then opened to reveal a mentally handicapped boy with his parents standing behind him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9504) - you deserved it (35165)
On 12/17/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Mike (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17091) - you deserved it (3842)
On 12/17/2009 at 9:32am - animals - by gettingacat (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22630) - you deserved it (3630)
On 12/17/2009 at 1:09am - animals - by life_suxxx - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I tried to rid my son of his pacifier. He still uses it to sleep. My son is 20 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27049) - you deserved it (19860)
On 12/16/2009 at 8:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13571) - you deserved it (20551)
On 12/15/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Proof-Reader (man) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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