About MrJentipede : I does what I does.
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MrJentipede's favorite FMLs
Today, I was watching tv on the couch. My mom then kicked me off so she could lie down. Exhausted, I asked if I could sit at the end. She said no. A minute later she called the dog to come sit with her. As I was sitting on the ground, my mom told me to move because "the dog can't see the TV." FML
by holly / 05/24/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML
by chippuh / 04/26/2009 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by rusty2020 / 03/25/2009 at 12:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
by ufhdafuhds / 03/19/2009 at 7:31pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Intimacy
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML
by Noname / 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
by Anonn / 02/23/2009 at 8:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Mick / 02/20/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had planned a pig eye dissection with my students. I didn’t think it was possible to have… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.…