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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Moshelle

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Moshelle
  • Town/Country : NY, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 355
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Moshelle's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

#6989911 (295)

I agree, your life sucks (60050) - you deserved it (2766)

On 12/28/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML

#4644829 (141)

I agree, your life sucks (52709) - you deserved it (1911)

On 08/19/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Amara1717 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. In my depressive state, I changed my Facebook status to the Blue October lyrics "Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, "Liked" this. FML

#4443925 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (37649) - you deserved it (14537)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

#3456534 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (55199) - you deserved it (3434)

On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was at walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong she said that I'd "killed her nose". FML

#3361418 (151)

I agree, your life sucks (46074) - you deserved it (6572)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:53am - health - by poopshooter101 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (73321) - you deserved it (13615)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

#2799622 (1233)

I agree, your life sucks (31589) - you deserved it (473833)

On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710 (1201)

I agree, your life sucks (55735) - you deserved it (136029)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML

#2207384 (199)

I agree, your life sucks (49272) - you deserved it (4149)

On 05/23/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by beatricesank (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

#2030761 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (71620) - you deserved it (13644)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481 (435)

I agree, your life sucks (22251) - you deserved it (97749)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

#618013 (863)

I agree, your life sucks (43452) - you deserved it (361057)

On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)

Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML

#537010 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (71923) - you deserved it (13501)

On 03/22/2009 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by caughtontape - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML

#341783 (456)

I agree, your life sucks (294861) - you deserved it (16468)

On 03/15/2009 at 2:29pm - love - by thankskimi (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was bagging groceries, I looked down to see a 6-year-old urinating on my shoes and the floor next to me. I told his mother that he should take her kid to the restroom, only to be told to "mind my own goddamn business." I was later fired for arguing with the customer. FML

#256127 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (97490) - you deserved it (3095)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:00pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Illinois)