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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Mortanious

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Mortanious
  • Town/Country : Houston, Texas
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 25 May 1983 (28 years)
  • Number of visits : 2705
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Mortanious's favorite FMLs

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

#13896400 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (28347) - you deserved it (9241)

On 11/19/2010 at 2:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML

#13762266 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (22376) - you deserved it (3749)

On 11/08/2010 at 5:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

#13684047 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (25816) - you deserved it (8861)

On 11/02/2010 at 2:20am - work - by saraleerocha - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

#13493485 (198)

I agree, your life sucks (7970) - you deserved it (23994)

On 10/18/2010 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

#13261613 (194)

I agree, your life sucks (35442) - you deserved it (3439)

On 09/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

#13169331 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (7036) - you deserved it (21831)

On 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriends shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

#13152326 (261)

I agree, your life sucks (22774) - you deserved it (9256)

On 09/22/2010 at 1:37am - intimacy - by noname - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235 (456)

I agree, your life sucks (22858) - you deserved it (19818)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

#12822018 (264)

I agree, your life sucks (31069) - you deserved it (10649)

On 08/30/2010 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by FYouBoyfriend (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after nearly 2 years of continuous fighting in Afghanistan, my unit came home. We were booed at the airport. FML

#12810587 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (74105) - you deserved it (7228)

On 08/29/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by soldierboy - United States

Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the Gardener walking past my bathroom window yelling "Good morning" and waving into my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML

#12726164 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (9660) - you deserved it (16179)

On 08/24/2010 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by AlexaSt2611 (woman) - Paraguay (Central)

Today, I paid for my shopping at a self paying checkout. I had a lot of shopping and there was a big line. When I scanned my last item, the machine read out, "EXTRA SMALL LUBRICATED DUREX CONDOMS." FML

#12679299 (227)

I agree, your life sucks (25267) - you deserved it (16098)

On 08/22/2010 at 5:37am - intimacy - by YogiBear - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495 (282)

I agree, your life sucks (32422) - you deserved it (8884)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

#12617808 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (23147) - you deserved it (3388)

On 08/19/2010 at 1:16am - misc - by dentallycorrect - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML

#12377816 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (19034) - you deserved it (12764)

On 08/07/2010 at 9:05pm - intimacy - by Indigo_Kitten (woman) - United States (Florida)