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Today, I had a restraining order put on me. I have apparently been following a woman's daughter home after she leaves track practice and parking my car outside their home. I'm a math teacher at the school and leave everyday at 4:30. I have lived across the street for the past six years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32827) - you totally deserved it (902)
On 09/27/2009 at 1:24pm - misc - by stalker (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was going shopping with a friend. I got up to get off the train and landed on my ass. Not only had I walked into the metal bar, I'd broken my $800 glasses, and the train doors had closed, with my friend on the other side of the doors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18081) - you totally deserved it (6574)
On 09/24/2009 at 6:06am - misc - by b. - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13341) - you totally deserved it (47921)
On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, after spending 20 minutes every day working on my abs for the last month and feeling pretty good about how they were looking, I received the first comment about them. A girl poked them and said 'squish'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21699) - you totally deserved it (3530)
On 09/11/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. It ran me off the road, I took out a fence and totaled my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded.."my tom-tom told me to turn left." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34480) - you totally deserved it (931)
On 09/10/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, I spent all day at the hospital with my grandma for some tests. When I drove her back home she decided to thank me with $50. Knowing she is unemployed, I told her I couldn't take a whole $50. She replied with "Ungrateful, just like your mother", then took the money and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22903) - you totally deserved it (1933)
On 09/08/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today I was riding on the Moscow metro. My friend and I were joking around in English about taking a nap on the nerdy business man next to me. As we laugh and made sexual comments about him that we thought he couldn't understand, he asks me "First time in Moscow?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (2607) - you totally deserved it (46518)
On 09/08/2009 at 1:30pm - misc - by HotToTrotskyite (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3188) - you totally deserved it (131151)
On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16285) - you totally deserved it (4862)
On 08/31/2009 at 12:06am - work - by Mack (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40217) - you totally deserved it (9034)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32360) - you totally deserved it (3859)
On 08/28/2009 at 12:41am - kids - by mariokarter (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29347) - you totally deserved it (12363)
On 08/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34556) - you totally deserved it (2391)
On 08/26/2009 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)
Today, my 5-year-old daughter saw a pad commercial. She asked me what they were, but I didn't think she was old enough to hear it. I just told her that they're like diapers for mommies. Now she won't stop telling people that mommy wears diapers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8693) - you totally deserved it (26691)
On 08/26/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by diapermommy (woman) - United States
Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46344) - you totally deserved it (1937)
On 08/26/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
