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Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44794) - you deserved it (5216)
On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28555) - you deserved it (6237)
On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40300) - you deserved it (11359)
On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16979) - you deserved it (32265)
On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28117) - you deserved it (1765)
On 12/30/2012 at 1:14am - work - by avoid the sour cream - United States
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26651) - you deserved it (7175)
On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)
Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37987) - you deserved it (4980)
On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17410) - you deserved it (3484)
On 11/03/2012 at 3:42pm - health - by WeddingWoes (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23944) - you deserved it (2255)
On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, after nearly a year of headaches and fuzzy vision, I went to the eye doctor. It turns out I've had my contacts in the wrong eyes for a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6883) - you deserved it (28504)
On 11/02/2012 at 11:39am - health - by Midnightpearls - United States
Today, while walking on a nearly empty street, my friend dared me to slap a tall muscular chick on the butt and run away. I went and did it, but before I even had a chance to turn and run, she grabbed me, bent me over her knee and spanked me until I cried. My friend filmed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5135) - you deserved it (33592)
On 10/24/2012 at 1:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20572) - you deserved it (1225)
On 10/12/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by Dino (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62979) - you deserved it (6331)
On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)
Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12808) - you deserved it (5205)
On 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I have so much ass-acne that it hurts to sit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21174) - you deserved it (4038)
On 10/04/2012 at 5:33am - health - by Chamorru (man) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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