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Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11365) - you totally deserved it (5109)
On 11/17/2009 at 3:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18741) - you totally deserved it (1629)
On 11/17/2009 at 6:16am - work - by Paramedic (man) - United Kingdom (Rochdale)
Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15200) - you totally deserved it (1543)
On 11/16/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Japan (Okinawa)
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31904) - you totally deserved it (1366)
On 11/15/2009 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3229) - you totally deserved it (18790)
On 11/15/2009 at 1:46pm - misc - by firefliiez (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML
I agree, your life sucks (5359) - you totally deserved it (25227)
On 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm - health - by yellowjacket_34 (man) - United States (Montana)
Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9772) - you totally deserved it (6842)
On 11/13/2009 at 10:53am - misc - by teepee - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)
Today, I went to the pharmacy to purchase a brace for my sprained wrist. My wife and I had recently ran out of KY lotion, so I decided to pick up a bottle while I was there. It didn't occur to me that these two items could be perceived as being related until the cashier began to giggle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13553) - you totally deserved it (3317)
On 11/13/2009 at 7:57am - misc - by joeheathen (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I had to meet my mother. Being a college student, I decided I was too lazy to shave this morning. She noticed the stubble on my face, and started crying because I'm growing up. I'm 23 years old. My dad yelled at me for making my mom cry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16776) - you totally deserved it (1433)
On 11/13/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by stubble (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, my credit card number was stolen. The thief used it to purchase identity theft protection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18983) - you totally deserved it (1002)
On 11/10/2009 at 8:17pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my wife told me that she's pregnant. I said "Really?" in a disbelieving tone, but leaned forward to kiss her anyway. She responded by puking all over my face. Never doubt what a woman says. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16040) - you totally deserved it (5216)
On 11/10/2009 at 4:00am - love - by dessaye (man) - Singapore
Today, I was falling asleep on my desk, my head on my fist. My elbow slipped off the edge of the desk and I punched myself, leaving a fist mark on my cheek. At school, people think my parents hit me. My parents think I'm getting bullied at school. No one believes the actual story. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16704) - you totally deserved it (2658)
On 11/08/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by bob (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18753) - you totally deserved it (1640)
On 11/08/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by birdbath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my dad said "Who are you texting? Mom?" I said "Dad, I'm not that much of a loser." I then looked down and remembered I was texting my uncle. I then looked at my inbox. The people down the list were Mom, Dad, Uncle Dave, and one from Dean, the president math club, saying I was a nerd. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13187) - you totally deserved it (7313)
On 11/07/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by dfan13 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18787) - you totally deserved it (3518)
On 11/07/2009 at 1:55am - misc - by iheartvodka (woman) - United States (Missouri)
