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MissahMissy's FML badges
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MissahMissy's favorite FMLs
Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML
by Anon / 08/04/2011 at 4:30am / United States (Nevada) / Love
by brebre101 / 07/31/2011 at 5:05am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML
by Eden / 07/14/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by spekledworf / 05/02/2011 at 5:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought I heard someone shifting around in my house. I froze in fear and then I heard it again. I thought I was hearing things until I realized that it wasn't an intruder in my home. The shifting noise was my thighs rubbing together when I walked. FML
by Celluloid / 04/29/2011 at 2:52am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/07/2011 at 11:15am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids
Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2011 at 12:29am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be fun to sit on my lap. In the process he landed on me so hard that he made me hit my head. Then when he turned around his elbow smacked into my nose causing it to break. FML
by dinosaur / 01/10/2011 at 5:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, I was in the car with my mom. We were discussing my brother, how he's been screwing up majorly lately and she blamed it on his friends. Then she turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you've never had any friends." FML
by Amanda / 12/13/2010 at 11:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 7:11pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML
by blackitalian / 11/26/2010 at 10:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2010 at 10:00am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob,… Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and… Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes…
- Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me he's unhappy with his life. He's basically with me because I… Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I…