About MissDarkness : The devil made me do it!
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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MissDarkness's favorite FMLs
Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
by me / 01/02/2016 at 3:25am / United States (Louisiana) / Kids
Today, during a party, my drunk mother stumbled over to take a picture of me and my brother. She told me to put a party blower in my mouth for the picture, but I politely declined. She threatened to spank me in front of everyone if I didn't do it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 5:08am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I faced my fears. I've always had a weird fear of looking out of windows at night, afraid a face would suddenly appear. When I heard a strange noise outside, I looked out the window. Sure enough, the face of a man suddenly appeared. FML
by NeverLookingAgain / 12/29/2015 at 11:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/29/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML
by _schaden_freude / 12/27/2015 at 12:31pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Love
Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 11:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML
by ChaoticGamer / 12/23/2015 at 10:15am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML
by forever damaged / 12/20/2015 at 11:24pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, my husband finally revealed that he's been secretly buying a particular brand of spicy chicken, eating it on his way home from work. He does it because it makes his farts smell just the way he likes it under the duvet when we go to bed. FML
by tara / 12/18/2015 at 12:49pm / Switzerland (Zug) / Miscellaneous
by NYM88 / 12/17/2015 at 1:34pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Work
by PheobeBuffay / 12/11/2015 at 1:14pm / Norway (Vestfold) / Love
by badbitch23 / 12/07/2015 at 6:21pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 3:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by snortingspunk / 12/03/2015 at 7:52am / South Africa / Intimacy