About MissDarkness : The devil made me do it!
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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MissDarkness's favorite FMLs
by whatjusthappened / 09/05/2013 at 8:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML
by down trodden / 09/05/2013 at 3:45am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by Retarded / 09/05/2013 at 2:57am / United States (Florida) / Work
by mother to an ugly doll / 09/04/2013 at 2:10pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
by ugh / 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by poolgirl789 / 09/03/2013 at 2:30am / United Kingdom (Bradford) / Intimacy
Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML
by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/02/2013 at 2:22pm / United States / Kids
by yourfault / 09/02/2013 at 11:10am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Intimacy
Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML
by Kiddo / 09/02/2013 at 2:49am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/01/2013 at 7:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML
by NotGabe / 09/01/2013 at 10:25am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, my parents told me that I had been accepted into my top two colleges, but they didn't show me the letters because they were worried that if they spent money on tuition, they wouldn't be able to keep BOTH of their brand new Mercedes. FML
by jfanous / 09/01/2013 at 6:40am / United States (California) / Money
Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML
by happyturtle / 09/01/2013 at 5:57am / Croatia / Intimacy