About MissDarkness : The devil made me do it!
MissDarkness's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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MissDarkness's favorite FMLs
Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML
by BBeffedmylife / 06/14/2014 at 10:18am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML
by Little Miss Fucket / 06/13/2014 at 5:07pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 5:27am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "the gecko ate my pen drive." FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 8:00pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/10/2014 at 4:06pm / Barbados (Saint Michael) / Kids
Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML
by wrecked / 06/09/2014 at 5:03pm / United States / Love
Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML
by 404: sense not found / 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML
by Anonymous / 06/04/2014 at 10:34am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Love
by disturbed / 05/31/2014 at 9:53pm / Ireland / Animals
by Idk / 05/29/2014 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by whoops / 05/25/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that just because my roommate doesn't buy alcohol, it doesn't mean she isn't stealing mine and slowly replacing it with water. That bottle cost me $150 and was destined to be a present for my best friend, whom I haven't seen in years. FML
by NoMoreMeatForAYear / 05/21/2014 at 5:23pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML
by clueless / 05/19/2014 at 1:15pm / United States (California) / Love