About MissDarkness : The devil made me do it!
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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MissDarkness's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML
by jackie89 / 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Intimacy
Today, I went with my girlfriend to the gym for the first time. I knew I was in bad shape, but I bet her that I could lift more than her. Not only did I get my ass handed to me by a 5', 115lbs girl in front of the entire gym, I also have to attend Zumba in bright pink spandex. FML
by Dancing King / 08/07/2014 at 11:36am / Norway (Rogaland) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/04/2014 at 10:00pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Ew?Really? / 08/04/2014 at 1:42am / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML
by blow away / 07/28/2014 at 12:36am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by ThunderThighs / 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/20/2014 at 1:23am / United States / Work
by Lisa / 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by familyhatesme / 07/18/2014 at 12:30pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML
by fuck you, kid / 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
by smh / 07/15/2014 at 4:11pm / United States / Health
by chloecamp / 07/14/2014 at 11:35pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by thedoc / 07/14/2014 at 11:25pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Washington) / Work