About MissDarkness : The devil made me do it!
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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MissDarkness's favorite FMLs
Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML
by PickYourselfUp / 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by SmellyCloset / 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML
by fucksake / 10/05/2014 at 11:55am / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy
by SadMother / 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/04/2014 at 10:58am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
by super maman / 09/29/2014 at 11:08pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids
Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML
by Anonymous / 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML
by Anonymous / 09/29/2014 at 11:42am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/28/2014 at 12:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML
by tw@ / 09/28/2014 at 11:30am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
by Katthebamf / 09/28/2014 at 10:25am / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Transportation
by mislead / 09/22/2014 at 12:43pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
Today, I heard what sounded like high-pitched feminine moaning coming from my son's room. I knocked and walked in, expecting to catch him red handed with a girl. He'd just beaten his high score on Flappy Bird. FML
by royallymessedup / 09/21/2014 at 11:33am / United Kingdom / Intimacy