About MissDarkness : The devil made me do it!
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MissDarkness's favorite FMLs
Today, I was late for work, so I grabbed my handbag, my sports bag and ran out. The bus arrived at the stop just as I did, so I hopped on and sat down, trying to catch my breath. I dumped my bags onto my knees and looked down to see my cat, staring back at me from inside my sports bag. FML
by matou / 07/09/2015 at 4:41pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Transportation
by who_cares / 07/09/2015 at 7:20am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, while reading my girlfriends kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2015 at 10:21pm / United States / Kids
Today, I was working customer service at a large grocery store. I recently got a small, tasteful septum piercing that is barely visible. As I greeted a customer, she began to gag, held out her hand as though she was fending me off, and said, "I can't. Your nose ring makes me sick." FML
by a_dani365 / 07/06/2015 at 5:37pm / United States (Nebraska) / Holidays
Today, I decided I wanted to bleach my hair, so I asked my mother for help. Apparently, something went wrong, because clumps of my hair started falling out. Now I'm half blonde and half bald, and my mom is just laughing at me. FML
by notquitejuliet / 07/03/2015 at 8:54pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 4:51pm / United States / Kids
by CaptainFluffyPaw / 06/28/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
by stillhungry / 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML
by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by thatguy8878 / 06/26/2015 at 4:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML
by very analytical / 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work
Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML
by tantanpanda / 06/24/2015 at 8:44am / United States / Health
by happycow122 / 06/20/2015 at 4:54pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by THANKS / 06/19/2015 at 4:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by fartypants / 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm / United States (Florida) / Work