About Mideoyeo : Hello,
I am a pirhana, I do nip at people who tend to annoy the crap out of me so don't make me angry or start stupid arguments with me or else you WILL get a stick shoved up your ass. Besides threatening people I'm usually very nice, so have fun getting to know me.
P.S I LOVE ZELDA.
About Mideoyeo : Hello,
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Mideoyeo's favorite FMLs
Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML
Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML
by electricpuddle / 04/24/2011 at 9:11pm / Animals
Today, a very attractive girl moved in across the road from me. As I was leaving, I noticed she was looking out her window at me. I tried playing it cool, only to end up tripping over my own feet, hands in pocket, and faceplanting the hood of my dad's car. FML
by NathanPlays / 04/22/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
by -_- / 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Kim / 03/22/2011 at 2:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML
by insomnitude / 03/05/2011 at 1:55am / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 3:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
Today, I was waiting for my food at McDonald's. I watched the most obese, sweaty man sneeze into the chips, wipe his nose on his hand and use his hand to shovel chips into a bag. They were my chips. FML
by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 11:28am / United Kingdom (North Yorkshire) / Health
Today, I went to the grocery store where my husband works. I wanted to surprise him, so I went up behind him and started kissing his neck. He seemed to love it, and so did I, until I noticed it wasn't my husband. FML
by vhtdgjj / 11/29/2010 at 1:26pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, I celebrated my birthday. When asked last week, I said I wanted a keyboard. When I opened the present, my parents went into hysterics. It was an electronic Dora the Explorer keyboard. I've been studying music composition and theory for six years. They think my major's a joke. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2010 at 9:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML
by sandyseashells10 / 11/13/2010 at 1:29am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I was called 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that my Mom is trying to set me up with. He has called me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalked in my own dorm. FML
by snitcheyes / 11/09/2010 at 11:00am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML
by tht1chk / 10/30/2010 at 8:37pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML
by badteacher / 10/24/2010 at 1:26am / United States (California) / Kids
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…