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Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16841) - you totally deserved it (2912)
On 11/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)
Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML
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On 11/06/2009 at 1:59am - misc - by obese_chicken (woman) - Australia
Today, I did a 3 hour long assignment for school. I was bored so I gave it the title "F***ing Assignment for a F***ing Teacher." I went downstairs only to discover that the printer was out of ink. So I sent it to her email, then I realized that I didn't change the title. FML
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On 10/04/2009 at 9:47pm - work - by BadStuden (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33886) - you totally deserved it (2686)
On 10/03/2009 at 7:43am - love - by Anon (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)
Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML
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On 09/29/2009 at 12:38am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29070) - you totally deserved it (14210)
On 09/13/2009 at 5:27am - love - by sunburychick (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person. Seriously. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32047) - you totally deserved it (3688)
On 09/13/2009 at 12:15am - love - by blind_date (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, in english class, while passing back papers, my teacher says to me, "nice job Steve." My name's not Steve. Turns out, for the past four weeks of school some guy who never showed up to class has been getting the credit for my work, while I'd been getting marked absent the entire time. FML
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On 09/12/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by broly171 (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37789) - you totally deserved it (2845)
On 09/09/2009 at 5:20pm - love - by nick2.0 (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, we went to the mall and my husband picked me out some perfume. When I asked him why he liked that particular one he responded with, "that's what's the stripper at my bachelor party was wearing." He was completely serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24465) - you totally deserved it (2077)
On 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm - love - by m - United States
Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML
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On 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm - kids - by WOCOACH (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML
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On 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, for the first time ever, while I was driving I ran over a squirrel. It was in front of three little girls at their lemonade stand. FML
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On 09/09/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was walking with my boyfriend down the street and a really hot guy walked past with no shirt on. While distracted by his hardened stomach muscles, I promptly walked into a pole, then became single. FML
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On 09/02/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia
Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML
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On 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm - misc - by Catscratch (man) - United States (California)
