About Mauskau : I don't need anything exciting on here, you already came here for the poro.
Mauskau's FML badges
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Mauskau's favorite FMLs
Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML
by Coryj1220 / 03/25/2014 at 11:53pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work
Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML
by Sherressa / 12/02/2013 at 3:04pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked a co-worker why he was wearing sandals, as they are not allowed under our strict dress code. He got extremely angry with me and stormed off. Ten minutes later, I got called into our boss' office. Apparently, he told her that I walked up to him and asked to suck his toes. FML
by feetfreak / 11/13/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Work
by sleeplessinrichmond / 09/15/2013 at 2:02am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by 27161697 / 07/22/2013 at 12:45am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML
by FenRackety / 05/10/2013 at 8:37am / Canada / Animals
by LilaTheGreat / 05/05/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2013 at 9:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 5:13pm / Australia / Work
by damnthedog / 01/19/2013 at 2:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by honey soy / 01/29/2012 at 1:31am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was cleaning my room and set my burnt out light bulb on my computer chair without any second thought. Later, I sat on the chair, the light bulb shattered and I got a huge gash on my butt. FML
by Anonymous / 01/29/2012 at 12:50am / United States (Idaho) / Health
Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 9:45am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
- Today, as I was getting dressed after having sex with a guy I like, he told me I looked better with… Today, I was reminded that I used by dad's camera all summer to take naked pictures for boyfriend… Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly…