MattiLainen

Search for a member

MattiLainen

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7673
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

MattiLainen's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:44pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 1:49am<b>jessxoxo28</b> - the 01/14/2010 at 8:36pm<b>browneyedbeauty1</b> - the 07/05/2009 at 2:44pm

MattiLainen's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

MattiLainen's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML

by robinhoood / 07/12/2009 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I snuck into my brother's room to scare him. Just as I was about to go for it, his girlfriend calls. I had to sit there motionless listening to my brother having phone sex, then wait for him to go to sleep and sneak back out to pretend it never happened. FML

by fmlfmlfml / 07/10/2009 at 1:27am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him $20. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML

by Told_You_So / 07/09/2009 at 2:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

by Anonymous / 07/06/2009 at 3:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

by wildthing / 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML

by UrbanCass / 06/25/2009 at 7:44pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

by jinxofsocal / 06/21/2009 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2009 at 3:17am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

by Dirtyswede / 06/17/2009 at 10:57am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

by Tim / 06/16/2009 at 2:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML

by bitches. / 06/14/2009 at 8:39pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

by Coolkid. / 06/14/2009 at 1:53pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous