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MattTheSlovenian's favorite FMLs
by twatstick / 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Work
by ouch / 07/12/2013 at 3:22am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 3:11am / United States (California) / Transportation
by walker / 07/06/2013 at 12:17am / United States / Love
Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML
by ugh / 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Intimacy
Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML
by brokeandhungry / 07/04/2013 at 1:18am / United States / Kids
Today, I needed a change of clothes, so I called my mom. She brought me a grey shirt with a toucan on the front and Mexico City spelled in glitter. I asked her why she would bring me such an ugly shirt, and she started crying. Turns out she bought it for me as a present from her trip. FML
by awwimanahole / 07/04/2013 at 1:07am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, after spending four hours cooking food for a special family dinner, I went to take a shower before they arrived. I came back out less than twenty minutes later to find most of the food gone, and a very guilty-looking puppy. FML
by Auroraen / 06/27/2013 at 9:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/18/2013 at 7:22pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2013 at 6:48pm / United States (New York) / Kids
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- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…