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Marie314's favorite FMLs
Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML
by oooooops / 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML
by drugsforthugs / 11/18/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by hellalegit / 11/07/2014 at 1:26am / United States (California) / Kids
by ColdStones / 10/20/2014 at 4:50am / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
by thanks babe / 10/06/2014 at 7:47pm / United Kingdom (Shropshire) / Love
Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML
by JackieD / 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, after a long silent and awkward pause after asking my girlfriend's dad if I can take her on holiday for Christmas, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, you may not impregnate my daughter." FML
by Dafuq happen there / 08/23/2014 at 3:34am / South Africa / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML
by confidence taken / 08/23/2014 at 2:26am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by hopeless romantic / 08/14/2014 at 11:06am / United States (Ohio) / Animals
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML
by jackie89 / 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up from a nap to find my little brother playing some games on my phone. A few hours later I come to find he had deleted all 500 pictures from my trip to Europe last month. He needed more space to download the games. Mom says he's too young to understand what he did wrong. He's 14. FML
by stupid older sister / 07/24/2014 at 5:54pm / United States (Illinois) / Geek
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the mall in the food court, when some guy asked for my number. I turned him down, but I was impressed with how ballsy he was. Without thinking, I said, "I like your balls!" Half the place instantly fell silent. FML
by akaka / 07/14/2014 at 9:38am / United States (Ohio) / Love
- Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. Halfway through he asked me what day it was. I told him,… Today, after work, I came home to my boyfriend sleeping on the couch. Feeling romantic, I started… Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle,…
- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I found myself completely naked, tied to a chair with a slice of ham on each breast. Note to… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…