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Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19655) - you totally deserved it (3682)
On 11/07/2009 at 1:55am - misc - by iheartvodka (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16916) - you totally deserved it (4367)
On 10/31/2009 at 1:32pm - kids - by apparentnerd (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17781) - you totally deserved it (1121)
On 10/26/2009 at 12:24pm - health - by Lizofsmeg (woman) - United Kingdom (Brent)
Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25397) - you totally deserved it (1914)
On 10/03/2009 at 11:34am - health - by Pwnedofthedead (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2241) - you totally deserved it (35712)
On 09/30/2009 at 5:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31038) - you totally deserved it (4023)
On 09/29/2009 at 3:09pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13307) - you totally deserved it (47864)
On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6072) - you totally deserved it (25526)
On 09/12/2009 at 8:00am - love - by TrainedBF (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25531) - you totally deserved it (4077)
On 09/11/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by fall3nrain (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4931) - you totally deserved it (38062)
On 08/30/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by rydawg79 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML
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On 08/25/2009 at 8:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I decided to smoke in my car on the way to school. As I went to ash it out the window, one of the embers flew back into car landing in my eye. Turns out the excruciating pain was my contact lense melting to my cornea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10043) - you totally deserved it (33286)
On 08/22/2009 at 5:10am - misc - by Shootme (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my sister and I were reading the new FML posts. I sat close to the fan, and after a few minutes, I leaned against it for support. It immediatly sucked up my hair and started violently twisting it. My sister continued to read and shouted at me because my cries for help are distracting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32111) - you totally deserved it (7439)
On 08/15/2009 at 3:21pm - health - by baldintheback (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29268) - you totally deserved it (5646)
On 07/27/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by fedexed (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was mowing lawns for my summer job. I noticed next to me a shiny new corvette being washed by the owner. I gave a friendly wave, just as I heard a big clank as the mower blade shot a rock into the side of the car. FML
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On 07/26/2009 at 1:59am - misc - by ferrin10 - United States (Idaho)
