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ManInTheMachine

Offline (the 08/26/2014 at 6:02am) | Search for a member

ManInTheMachine

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 2 February 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5111
  • Number of comments : 1625
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 73 posted

About ManInTheMachine : "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." -Albert Einstein

Please, do not take my username literally. Do not call me Robot, cyborg, etc. My username was only chosen as a result of not being able to log into my old account.

As long as you're not an idiot, an 'animal', or an arrogant fool, chances are I'm quite fond of you. If I make a mistake, feel free to point it out to me. I try my best to cross my T's and dot my I's, but I am human, and do make mistakes. It would be appreciated. :)

If you have any *personal* issues with me aside from my comment, either PM me or thumb me down. Otherwise, shut the fuck up. It's flattering that you care enough about an online commenter to bitch me out, but I honestly couldn't care less. Cheers.

ManInTheMachine's page activity

Visits<b>bjt916</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 7:12am<b>Damafia</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 7:32am<b>Snapcour</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 6:41pm<b>alexishbu</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 11:20am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 12:42pm<b>justdausualtf</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 3:35am<b>RecklessLove</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 5:12am<b>bardo264</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 3:26pm<b>Chibi_Kitten</b> - the 10/10/2014 at 3:57am<b>teh_joe</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 9:05pm<b>Monslover</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 12:08pm<b>hailstorm187</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 1:40am<b>facelick</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 3:04pm<b>SMUTflakes</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 4:30am<b>brrarm</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 5:08pm<b>watermelon1</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 8:24pm<b>allie2590</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 4:07am<b>JillianBall</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 7:59am

ManInTheMachine's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

See all of ManInTheMachine's badges

ManInTheMachine's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

#20129288
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28194) - you deserved it (4558)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML

#20129237
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28823) - you deserved it (1333)

On 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm - work - by bad samaritan (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29756) - you deserved it (4521)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27507) - you deserved it (4729)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

#20027548
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37991) - you deserved it (2203)

On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

#20025968
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24515) - you deserved it (2678)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21552) - you deserved it (6045)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend got a Twitter account. Now she won't stop hashtagging everything she sends me. FML

#19811531
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18798) - you deserved it (2332)

On 06/19/2012 at 5:59am - misc - by Stu (man) - United States

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

#19781749
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8399) - you deserved it (105064)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)

Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML

#19774183
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26883) - you deserved it (3393)

On 06/11/2012 at 11:56pm - misc - by JohnBlack (man) - United States

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

#19738484
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27426) - you deserved it (3069)

On 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by why... (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I discovered that when my professor had said "For every A there will be an F," he was deadly serious. I earned a 94% mark, which in this class is known as a D. FML

#19684129
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24182) - you deserved it (1753)

On 05/26/2012 at 3:34pm - misc - by dany - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out via Facebook status that my boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex-girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't think I needed to know, and to mind my own business. I think I'm about to be single. FML

#19661791
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29732) - you deserved it (3089)

On 05/22/2012 at 10:32am - love - by angry girlfriend - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML

#19449472
464 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13932) - you deserved it (36320)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by erockinthesuburb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML

#19449472
464 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13932) - you deserved it (36320)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by erockinthesuburb (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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