About ManInTheMachine : "Education is great; Provided, that is, you actually get educated." ~Anonymous For the time being, I will not be commenting on the weekends. Otherwise I will be on here regularly. Please, do not take my username literally. Do not call me Robot, cyborg, etc. My username was only chosen as a result of not being able to log into my old account.As long as you're not an idiot, an 'animal', or an arrogant fool, chances are I'm quite fond of you. If I make a mistake, feel free to point it out to me. I try my best to cross my T's and dot my I's, but I am human, and do make mistakes. It would be appreciated. :)If you have any *personal* issues with me aside from my comment, either PM me or thumb me down. Otherwise, shut the fuck up. It's flattering that you care enough about an online commenter to bitch me out, but I honestly couldn't care less. Cheers.
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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20090) - you deserved it (1343)
On 11/08/2012 at 6:09am - kids - by Shauna (woman) - United States
Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12845) - you deserved it (2892)
On 11/08/2012 at 12:49am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12845) - you deserved it (2892)
On 11/08/2012 at 12:49am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3943) - you deserved it (18646)
On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by justcomesnaturally (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21985) - you deserved it (2326)
On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)
Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14584) - you deserved it (6591)
On 10/30/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21676) - you deserved it (3871)
On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22811) - you deserved it (951)
On 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm - work - by bad samaritan (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22264) - you deserved it (3161)
On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20714) - you deserved it (3456)
On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31148) - you deserved it (1491)
On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18016) - you deserved it (1781)
On 08/17/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Sarah - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15848) - you deserved it (4466)
On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my girlfriend got a Twitter account. Now she won't stop hashtagging everything she sends me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13745) - you deserved it (1654)
On 06/19/2012 at 5:59am - misc - by Stu (man) - United States
Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5792) - you deserved it (75909)
On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)
Monday 20 May 2013
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