Malystryx

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Malystryx

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1095
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Malystryx : I come here mainly to laugh. I'm very open minded, but not wishy-washy, and have very little time for extreme beliefs. I like facts, thank you. When I come across things I'm not familiar with, my brain turns into a sponge, and tries to soak up as much knowledge as it can.

Malystryx's page activity

Visits<b>pinkpixie06</b> - the 12/18/2012 at 2:48am<b>fthislyfe</b> - the 09/22/2011 at 6:21pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:53pm<b>celticmarine2005</b> - the 02/22/2011 at 4:54am<b>missile</b> - the 02/08/2011 at 9:58am<b>yesiyes</b> - the 02/05/2011 at 1:11pm<b>babygirl719</b> - the 02/04/2011 at 6:10pm<b>mfmylifesrsly</b> - the 11/17/2010 at 5:46pm

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Malystryx's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation

Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML

by fail / 06/15/2012 at 11:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids

Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML

by kaybax / 11/19/2011 at 6:42am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Love

Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a god damn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2011 at 10:49pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML

by ShitHappens / 10/24/2011 at 1:04am / United States / Love

Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was eating noodles. Midway through chewing, I sneezed. The noodles got stuck in my nose. FML

by bob / 09/11/2011 at 11:15am / United States (New Mexico) / Health

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

by Kathryn / 08/13/2011 at 6:31am / Belgium / Kids

Today, my friend convinced me that a staple gun doesn't work on skin. I decided to put this new piece of information to the test. FML

by ouch / 03/08/2011 at 10:50am / United Kingdom (London) / Health

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my boyfriend was inside a cell phone store talking to a sales guy while I waited outside. I sent him a text, not realizing that the guy was using his phone to call customer service. A topless photo of me shows up on his phone when I text him. The sales guy looked. Twice. FML

by LLCoolBean / 03/03/2011 at 3:32am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML

by Ivan / 03/02/2011 at 5:10am / Work