About Malystryx : I come here mainly to laugh. I'm very open minded, but not wishy-washy, and have very little time for extreme beliefs. I like facts, thank you. When I come across things I'm not familiar with, my brain turns into a sponge, and tries to soak up as much knowledge as it can.
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Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20769) - you deserved it (3461)
On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29623) - you deserved it (2884)
Today, I found out how my parents met. They met at a mental hospital, where they were both being hospitalized. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23759) - you deserved it (1731)
On 06/15/2012 at 11:36am - love - by fail (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9179) - you deserved it (17153)
Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML
I agree, your life sucks (12824) - you deserved it (30302)
On 11/19/2011 at 6:42am - love - by kaybax - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)
Today, I was about to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Just as she took her shirt off, her phone rang. It was her mom demanding she return home. Now I've been cockblocked, and my girlfriend's mom seems to be a god damn clairvoyant. Awesome. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22111) - you deserved it (3787)
On 10/27/2011 at 10:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9561) - you deserved it (35320)
On 10/24/2011 at 1:04am - love - by ShitHappens - United States
Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31296) - you deserved it (2383)
On 09/19/2011 at 10:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23429) - you deserved it (6436)
On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was eating noodles. Midway through chewing, I sneezed. The noodles got stuck in my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22302) - you deserved it (2708)
On 09/11/2011 at 11:15am - health - by bob - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7086) - you deserved it (24589)
Today, my friend convinced me that a staple gun doesn't work on skin. I decided to put this new piece of information to the test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6172) - you deserved it (69486)
On 03/08/2011 at 10:50am - misc - by ouch (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32676) - you deserved it (20986)
On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend was inside a cell phone store talking to a sales guy while I waited outside. I sent him a text, not realizing that the guy was using his phone to call customer service. A topless photo of me shows up on his phone when I text him. The sales guy looked. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7382) - you deserved it (40647)
On 03/03/2011 at 3:32am - intimacy - by LLCoolBean (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18723) - you deserved it (7034)
On 03/02/2011 at 5:10am - work - by Ivan -
Monday 17 June 2013
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