![[fr]](http://cdn4.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_fr_hover.gif)
![[it]](http://cdn4.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_it_hover.gif)
![[es2]](http://cdn2.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_es2_hover.gif)
![[tr]](http://cdn1.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_tr_hover.gif)
![[de]](http://cdn3.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_de_hover.gif)
![[ru]](http://cdn4.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_ru_hover.gif)
![[se]](http://cdn3.fmylife.com/fmylife/images/flag_se_hover.gif)
This member hasn't filled in the description.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30528) - you deserved it (8358)
On 03/06/2011 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)
Today, I found out the hard way that you can get carpal tunnel from masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8779) - you deserved it (25672)
On 02/27/2011 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by Nuttjacob (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, my girlfriend and I were lying in her bed. We fooled around and were about to have sex as she suddenly began to cry without any reason. She cried for 30 minutes until I finally managed to calm her down. She said there was no reason for her crying. Then she fell asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23152) - you deserved it (3179)
On 11/13/2010 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)
Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20957) - you deserved it (2672)
On 10/25/2010 at 3:05pm - intimacy - by shiznit - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend said he wants a Hello Kitty wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26595) - you deserved it (5963)
On 10/23/2010 at 5:07am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was called to reports of a drunk and disorderly male. I arrived to discover a drunk man having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me me and shouted 'God save the Queen'. It's then that I remembered that it's my job to do something about it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22023) - you deserved it (2082)
On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (26946) - you deserved it (15288)
On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)
Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54835) - you deserved it (5561)
On 10/04/2010 at 5:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my boyfriend and his friends had a conversation about the power of boobs. He later asked me to make him a sandwich to "prove my love for him." I said "How about I just show you my tits?" Without looking up from the TV, he said, "How about you make me a sandwich?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10028) - you deserved it (19022)
On 12/10/2009 at 11:19pm - love - by Sheik (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up and found that someone had taken a dump on my car. They'd apparently felt bad about it, as they'd then keyed "sorry" into the door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31188) - you deserved it (1347)
On 12/06/2009 at 8:24am - misc - by flying_vegan - United Kingdom
Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25213) - you deserved it (4101)
On 11/12/2009 at 2:11am - love - by neuroticallyours (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66548) - you deserved it (9417)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24423) - you deserved it (3265)
On 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by sigh (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35209) - you deserved it (6236)
On 08/30/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pokie (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (57949) - you deserved it (5694)
On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
