About Maddy_Moore : Hey, I'm Maddy. I'm not all that interesting honestly. Feel free to message me if you want though.
Maddy_Moore's FML badges
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Maddy_Moore's favorite FMLs
Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML
by koanroak / 06/21/2015 at 11:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
by hfs palm / 06/21/2015 at 5:37pm / United States / Kids
Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML
by notgay / 06/21/2015 at 2:04am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/21/2015 at 12:38am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
by hotheadslav / 06/20/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
by happycow122 / 06/20/2015 at 4:54pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by jenpearl / 06/19/2015 at 9:06pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML
by baberuth / 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
by shmarf / 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said "girls don't wear deodorant". He actually believed that. FML
by stanky / 06/19/2015 at 10:47am / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, I'm five and a half weeks pregnant. One of my coworkers told me that it sucks that I'll have to wait so long to show. I asked her what she meant; she replied, "It's always harder to tell when big girls are pregnant. Can't tell what's fat and what's baby." FML
by pregnantfatty / 06/18/2015 at 8:58pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by allisonpaige21 / 06/18/2015 at 6:31pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, a woman bitched me out at the grocery store, saying that since I'm not Indian, I shouldn't be wearing a bindi - a red dot on my forehead - because it's "cultural appropriation". I was too embarrassed to tell her it was actually a pimple I'd been trying to pop on my forehead. FML
by unsuccessful popping / 06/18/2015 at 4:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a hot tub at a public sauna. After chatting with a friendly couple, I decided to go get some lunch. I was halfway out of the water when the man started laughing and said he'd thought I was a woman. I am. FML
by Anonymous / 06/18/2015 at 12:56pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/18/2015 at 8:36am / United States (Florida) / Love
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy…