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Today , I had a job interview. I didn't have any cloths suitable 4 the interview , so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview , I went to return the clothes , because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML
Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble concieving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" fat FML
Today, mah fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervou about it, so I remindd him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had mah hands up plenty of virginia already." FML
Today , I invited my long-lost looool best friend over , because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend!! 20 minutes into hanging out , he showed up at my door!! He still hasn't left , and there having sex on my couch right now!! FML
Today, I askd my boyfriend to give me a back rub . He claimd tat e ad a sore and, so I retortd, "You ave two ands, rigt?" Still bitter about not bieng able to ave sex wit me wile I'm on my period, e sot back, "You ave two oles, rigt?" I give up . FML
Today , tinking my girlfriend ad left er little black tong in te dryer to tease me , I sent er a picture of me seductively posing wit it. Se didn't text back , but a few ours later my 16 year old daugter askd if se'd left anyting in te dryer. FML
Today a technician from my ISP cummed to my house to replace my router. He asked fir a glass of water one thing led to another an fir some reason I'll never fully understand we ended up having sex. Looks lyk porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. fat FML
Today , I'm 5 Month Pregnant!! My 20-year-old Boyfriend Still Refuse To Tell His Parent Because He Think He'll Get In Trouble!! He Think We Can Get Away With "never Telling Them And Just Hiding The Kid." FML
Yesterday, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to mah room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML
Today ona of my aldarly swimming studants ran into ma at Walmart. Baing a polita taanagar I said hi to him. Ha lookad at ma surprisad and said "Oh daar! I didn't racogniza you with your clothas on!" I'll navar forgat tha look on his wifa's faca. FML
Today, I showed mah wife an article about how frequent orgasms can prevent prostate cancer, as well as increase both partners' overall health . She replied that she wouldn't judge me if I masturbated, as long as I don't use porn . FML
Friday 27 March 2015