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Today, I was completely wasted at my bachelor party, and my friends thought it would be funny to put sodium nitrate on my penis. Sodium nitrate makes your skin dark purple for a couple of weeks. My wedding is next week and my fiancee has never seen me naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47280) - you totally deserved it (11528)
On 07/02/2009 at 2:32am - intimacy - by purpledick (man) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)
Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31738) - you totally deserved it (12719)
On 07/02/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by S4L - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, I found out my girlfriend is pregnant and then decided to break up with her. Why? We're lesbians. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62780) - you totally deserved it (6050)
On 06/30/2009 at 1:32am - love - by yoyoyo (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6690) - you totally deserved it (60758)
On 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49453) - you totally deserved it (6079)
On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53950) - you totally deserved it (2299)
On 06/24/2009 at 5:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38445) - you totally deserved it (1544)
On 06/20/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by Dumbass - United States (Florida)
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