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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Lozza

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Lozza
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 930
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Today, to spice things up a bit my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

#13297808 (207)

I agree, your life sucks (7416) - you deserved it (21377)

On 10/03/2010 at 12:27am - intimacy - by EffinAhole - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went back to school after missing the first 2 weeks of the new school year. I got grilled in my first lesson by my teacher for "gallivanting around on holiday in some sunny place" when I should've been at school learning. My dad had died from liver cancer. FML

#7470356 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (42551) - you deserved it (1593)

On 01/21/2010 at 6:41am - health - by Dude (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I saw an adorable girl at the bar and I went to talk to her. I decided to use my cheesiest pick up line to make her laugh. After I said it, she knew who I was. It was my cousin I hadn't seen in 8 years. FML

#6238334 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (19705) - you deserved it (10181)

On 11/10/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by Dummy - United States (Ohio)

Today, my parents, who are divorced, were arguing over who has to pay for my bus pass. They decided they wouldn't pay unless the other one did too. Neither will pay the £60 it'll cost for my bus pass. I now have to walk to school every day, in freezing winter weather. It's 9 miles. Each way. FML

#6151946 (253)

I agree, your life sucks (33408) - you deserved it (2555)

On 11/04/2009 at 3:00pm - misc - by Walker (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

#5875865 (76)

I agree, your life sucks (27775) - you deserved it (4886)

On 10/18/2009 at 6:52am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

#5875501 (85)

I agree, your life sucks (28395) - you deserved it (1404)

On 10/18/2009 at 5:28am - health - by nimrod23 (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209 (204)

I agree, your life sucks (4536) - you deserved it (76094)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother said she trusted me enough to go with me for my first drive in my new car. As soon as we got in the car, she started hyperventilating and screaming we're going to crash. I didn't even start the engine. FML

#5758309 (66)

I agree, your life sucks (24897) - you deserved it (1641)

On 10/10/2009 at 1:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Berkshire)

Today, the traffic court judge didn't believe my three witnesses and two security cameras that proved I was innocent. He claimed a cop would never lie, and that the dashboard security cameras, which the cop brought in, were somehow edited by me. I was fined $1,000 and my license was suspended. FML

#5748049 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (39781) - you deserved it (1463)

On 10/09/2009 at 9:58pm - misc - by thelistman (man) - United States (Illinois)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I retook my ACT. I have been fighting a cold all week and have been very sneezy lately. Midway through the test, I got the urge to sneeze. Since it was very quiet and I didn't want to disturb the peace, I tried to hold my sneeze in. I ended up letting out a huge fart instead. FML

#5672838 (83)

I agree, your life sucks (27390) - you deserved it (6938)

On 10/05/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Sneezy123 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I did a 3 hour long assignment for school. I was bored so I gave it the title "F***ing Assignment for a F***ing Teacher." I went downstairs only to discover that the printer was out of ink. So I sent it to her email, then I realized that I didn't change the title. FML

#5651382 (81)

I agree, your life sucks (5510) - you deserved it (36282)

On 10/04/2009 at 9:47pm - work - by BadStuden (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to my Homecoming dance. I had a great time until some fat girl kept trying to dance with my date, even though he politely asked her to stop. I decided to intervene. I found myself pinned to the floor by a fat girl crushing on my date, who was cheering her on as she tackled me. FML

#5633540 (240)

I agree, your life sucks (29941) - you deserved it (5394)

On 10/04/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 9 year old little sister is coming back in town with the rest of my family. She specifically asked me to feed her fish. I totally forgot until she called me 10 minutes ago to tell me she was on her way home and couldn't wait to see her fishie. He's dead. FML

#5620917 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (4106) - you deserved it (37466)

On 10/03/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by deadfish - United States (Florida)

Today, my english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed. Thinking quick on my feet I told her it was because my grandmother had just passed away. Apparently they go to the same country club and have known each other for years. My teacher started crying and ran out of the room. FML

#5607225 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (5346) - you deserved it (46829)

On 10/02/2009 at 5:07pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I fell off my desk chair. Why? I failed to notice that the screws I'd been finding on the floor around my room for the past few months belonged to said chair. FML

#5455728 (55)

I agree, your life sucks (7014) - you deserved it (18581)

On 09/24/2009 at 9:19pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - United States (California)