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Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25482) - you deserved it (3294)
On 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm - misc - by troll of a gran - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31430) - you deserved it (2928)
On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)
Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40584) - you deserved it (4405)
On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States
Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11400) - you deserved it (24435)
On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16079) - you deserved it (1240)
On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -
Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19820) - you deserved it (1447)
On 11/10/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by anon - United States (Washington)
Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4154) - you deserved it (36324)
On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18937) - you deserved it (4581)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17183) - you deserved it (1007)
On 09/03/2012 at 7:43pm - work - by FastFoodWaiter (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19675) - you deserved it (1362)
On 07/24/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by Uncircumcised Penis - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18963) - you deserved it (10858)
On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20865) - you deserved it (906)
On 06/24/2012 at 2:41pm - work - by hannaslifesucks (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)
Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24587) - you deserved it (4394)
Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5481) - you deserved it (16139)
On 02/10/2012 at 9:13am - animals - by Stung (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13950) - you deserved it (24790)
On 01/24/2012 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Monday 17 June 2013
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