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LongJohnnie5

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LongJohnnie5

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 871
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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LongJohnnie5's page activity

Visits<b>conkles10</b> - the 05/26/2013 at 3:16am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:50pm<b>debrisesque</b> - the 06/27/2010 at 6:53pm<b>ha</b> - the 05/11/2010 at 1:29pm<b>spaaw</b> - the 03/27/2010 at 3:22pm<b>McMarlin</b> - the 03/25/2010 at 4:17am<b>crazysicknasty</b> - the 02/24/2010 at 5:35pm<b>wtfismyfml</b> - the 02/16/2010 at 2:39am<b>QTp13</b> - the 02/01/2010 at 3:10pm<b>little_birdie</b> - the 01/21/2010 at 8:50pm<b>Youwantwhatnow</b> - the 01/16/2010 at 8:38pm<b>Shigaihayashi</b> - the 11/14/2009 at 1:59pm<b>Mulberry</b> - the 11/01/2009 at 4:40pm

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LongJohnnie5's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother machine-washed a suit I rented for a friends wedding, despite me informing her that it was dry-clean only, and that the store would take care of it. I now owe $1600 to replace the suit, and my mum is refusing to help pay, as she was "only trying to help." FML

#7514878
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33343) - you deserved it (2711)

On 01/23/2010 at 1:40am - love - by Phoenix - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50056) - you deserved it (7897)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

#7339757
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27297) - you deserved it (4939)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend asked for me to come to her. Then move my head in close to her and close my eyes. Expecting a sweet and romantic kiss I positioned my lips for my surprise. My surprise wasn't a kiss, instead it was a nice crunchy booger she placed in my mouth with her finger. FML

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

#7198601
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22199) - you deserved it (4015)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:44pm - work - by Mic (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML

#5716405
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31809) - you deserved it (7718)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by belle_arina (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a man held a door open for me while I fished my umbrella out of my very cluttered bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turned to thank him for being such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedged itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML

#4001107
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41633) - you deserved it (5350)

On 07/24/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by umbrella (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML

#4000566
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40295) - you deserved it (4170)

On 07/24/2009 at 6:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

#3600725
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60313) - you deserved it (7208)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:17am - love - by hatboxghost (man) - United States

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

#3442749
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14025) - you deserved it (98632)

On 07/03/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Uriah (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

#2853235
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48657) - you deserved it (6036)

On 06/13/2009 at 7:01am - love - by Mojo_Jojo (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I was shaving my balls with a blade razor because my electric trimmer had died and I had a big date with the girl of my dreams. I moved too quickly and accidentally knicked a vein in my scrotum. I had to hold gauze over my balls until the paramedics arrived. FML

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

#532942
337 comments

Today, I went for a jog in my neighborhood. While I was running I passed my girlfriend's parents who were out for a walk. Trying to make a good impression, I stopped to talk. When I got home I realized I was wearing a shirt that friends gave me as a joke. It said "Blow me, bitch. It's my b-day." FML

#343744
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17934) - you deserved it (72947)

On 03/15/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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