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Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. In my depressive state, I changed my Facebook status to the Blue October lyrics "Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends including my mom "Liked" this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33178) - you totally deserved it (12685)
On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)
Today, my parents decided to visit me. When I first got my apartment I gave them a key "just in case" and today they used this key to enter when I didn't answer their knocking. I didn't answer because I was having sex with my boyfriend. My parents saw everything. They didn't know I was gay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47513) - you totally deserved it (16872)
On 08/10/2009 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by gorgeousrenthead (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14551) - you totally deserved it (42634)
On 08/10/2009 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Morrowindwhore (man) - United Kingdom (Southampton)
Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36801) - you totally deserved it (3645)
On 07/31/2009 at 12:02pm - love - by WiltedFlower (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at work when my mother called. She gave me great news that she had finally cleaned out my room and all those "old and useless" books that I had in there. Those "useless" books that she had just trashed were all antiques and worth about $500 each. There were 27 books in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38373) - you totally deserved it (2687)
On 07/24/2009 at 3:05pm - money - by Cougar (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was in an elevator with my dad and several strangers. When the elevator voice said, "Going down," my dad excitedly said, "Man, I love it when she says that!" loudly enough for everyone to hear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28844) - you totally deserved it (2449)
On 07/24/2009 at 6:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had. After tearfully explaining to my boyfriend, in detail, how bad this dream was, he told me to "put on my big girl panties" and make him breakfast. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31252) - you totally deserved it (8367)
On 07/24/2009 at 2:40am - love - by vanguardwiley (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I moved into university residence, looking forward to finally being able to come out of the closet. I started chatting with the hot guy moving in next door to me. He said I was cool, and he was glad because he was afraid he'd be living next to a gay guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35340) - you totally deserved it (6114)
On 07/23/2009 at 6:09pm - love - by simon (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had my first date with this guy I really like, who came to pick me up. Once I got into his car, my uncle comes out of the house and yells "Remember, pregnant girls aren't allowed to drink." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30501) - you totally deserved it (4972)
On 07/23/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by Prego my ego - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I was helping my sister by getting some old boxes down from her attic. Too bad I didn't realize the piece of plywood I was standing on doesn't extend all over the attic floor. Of course, I did realize it when I went through the ceiling onto the concrete floor of her garage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26203) - you totally deserved it (3209)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:45am - health - by SBT1030 (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was lying in bed late at night trying to fall asleep. I blew my nose on a kleenex and was too lazy to get up and put it in the garbage. I threw it under my bed when I heard a whispery voice say "Thank you". It was my little brother trying to scare me. I peed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38488) - you totally deserved it (7555)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I said to the pool-boy of my house: “I know what you are doing and you have to stop it.” He started shouting that I had no right to tell them what to do and that they were in love. He was referring to his relationship with my eldest son. I wanted to tell him to stop drinking my beers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38192) - you totally deserved it (4750)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37713) - you totally deserved it (4035)
On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Tallow101 - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was shopping at COSTCO for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me I heard somebody say "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35679) - you totally deserved it (5316)
On 07/23/2009 at 1:23am - love - by costcocondoms (man) - Mexico (Baja California)
Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63153) - you totally deserved it (7633)
On 07/22/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by sadinseattle (woman) - United States (California)
