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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Lizzi

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Lizzi
  • Town/Country : Bristol, England UK
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8274
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Lizzi : Lizzi... this site is truly fantastic. Truly.

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Lizzi's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

#17115448 (509)

I agree, your life sucks (42545) - you deserved it (6491)

On 07/15/2011 at 12:24am - animals - by flipnazn - United States (Texas)

Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML

#16380790 (68)

I agree, your life sucks (27010) - you deserved it (2919)

On 05/28/2011 at 12:09am - misc - by Imaman - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

#15851636 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (11974) - you deserved it (5370)

On 04/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

#15401896 (162)

I agree, your life sucks (13358) - you deserved it (2930)

On 03/20/2011 at 4:29pm - animals - by mugged (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

#15184059 (297)

I agree, your life sucks (29491) - you deserved it (17052)

On 03/03/2011 at 6:22am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

#15128111 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (22125) - you deserved it (2269)

On 02/26/2011 at 4:53pm - misc - by BackToRehab - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

#15006025 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (17961) - you deserved it (6602)

On 02/16/2011 at 6:58pm - misc - by CandyMachine (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

#14991299 (45)

I agree, your life sucks (22854) - you deserved it (2130)

On 02/15/2011 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by bitchasaurusrex (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML

#14670797 (92)

I agree, your life sucks (20221) - you deserved it (5381) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/22/2011 at 3:49am - misc - by sandra22 - Sent from mobile version

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

#14613104 (79)

I agree, your life sucks (24445) - you deserved it (4194) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 11:44am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - Switzerland - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherf*cking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

#14396481 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (33185) - you deserved it (2283)

On 12/30/2010 at 2:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

#14295570 (306)

I agree, your life sucks (22164) - you deserved it (5661)

On 12/22/2010 at 6:43am - kids - by lerouxmaster -

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

#14209539 (43)

I agree, your life sucks (12394) - you deserved it (5097)

On 12/15/2010 at 1:15am - animals - by Olive14 -

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

#14169295 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (22007) - you deserved it (5922)

On 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm - work - by stifledbyyou (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was cleaning one of my elderly patient's teeth. After finishing and reminding her to floss, I realised she had died. Supposedly she was dead for a good 20 minutes. FML

#14058038 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (49472) - you deserved it (3491)

On 12/02/2010 at 8:20am - love - by mrdentist -