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Littlelizard2810's favorite FMLs
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
by puppylove / 10/20/2012 at 3:16am / United States / Animals
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
by Holy Testacles / 10/17/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML
by minaaaaajftw / 07/13/2012 at 4:13pm / Norway (Akershus) / Miscellaneous
by JG / 05/10/2012 at 7:48am / United States (Florida) / Love
by N / 05/07/2012 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML
by Anonymous / 10/12/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML
by Jilly / 08/08/2011 at 2:45am / Australia / Kids
by dukebluedevils13 / 08/04/2011 at 9:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals
by chinchilla4404 / 08/02/2011 at 10:17am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 07/22/2011 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Love
by youknowwhatitis / 06/22/2011 at 9:31am / Australia (South Australia) / Health
by fattymcbutterpants / 06/19/2011 at 1:19am / United States / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…