I back up my ho's.
Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10451) - you totally deserved it (1510)
On 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by pussystroker (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28183) - you totally deserved it (1570)
On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, a friend jokingly asked who in my relationship wears the pants. My girlfriend replied, "I'm not sure, but I've got photos to prove I don't wear the skirt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5026) - you totally deserved it (18358)
On 08/23/2009 at 2:54am - love - by Crossy (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10197) - you totally deserved it (43055)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by ShiriSarah (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (44651) - you totally deserved it (1302)
On 08/19/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Amara1717 (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (43232) - you totally deserved it (2313)
On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States
Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11771) - you totally deserved it (41465)
On 08/18/2009 at 12:34pm - love - by badtimingdude (man) - Mauritius
Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36528) - you totally deserved it (3803)
On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31545) - you totally deserved it (7433)
On 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm - misc - by fearofzombies (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend who likes to get high was driving me insisting he wasn't currently high. A family of deer was standing on the side of the road and he pulled over by them waited until they walked closer to us and said, "what seems to be the problem officers?" He wasn't kidding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15166) - you totally deserved it (25778)
On 08/07/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by Jstar - Sent from a mobile version
Today, I was lying in bed late at night trying to fall asleep. I blew my nose on a kleenex and was too lazy to get up and put it in the garbage. I threw it under my bed when I heard a whispery voice say "Thank you". It was my little brother trying to scare me. I peed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38534) - you totally deserved it (7563)
On 07/23/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man who lost 650 pounds. I ignored it, until I saw who sent it. My mom, with the message "Maybe there's hope for you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30805) - you totally deserved it (5326)
On 07/14/2009 at 7:41am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29709) - you totally deserved it (5366)
On 07/13/2009 at 11:03pm - misc - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)
Today, after a fight with my sister, I took a shower. While rinsing out my "conditioner" I realized with horror what my sister had done for revenge. Her bottle of Nair was empty, my bottle of conditioner was full, and my hair was being washed down the drain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56058) - you totally deserved it (3403)
On 07/13/2009 at 6:29pm - misc - by vivalavida12 - United States (New York)
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
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On 06/24/2009 at 5:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
