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Liimitless's FML badges
50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
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Liimitless's favorite FMLs
Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
by shootme / 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 12:34am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by exiledliscense / 11/09/2011 at 2:18pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
by bakedplum / 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend took me and a bunch of other guys out to a nice dinner. This was his way to say thank you for helping him move to a new apartment. He got the cheque, excused himself to go to the restroom and never came back to pay. FML
by moodyreallyrocks / 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money
by Anonymous / 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML
by DirtyCharmed / 11/01/2011 at 2:29am / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/31/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML
by Katrin / 10/30/2011 at 3:13pm / Norway / Transportation
by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 2:32am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML
by KaySchrages92 / 10/24/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I received an e-mail from my girlfriend's parents telling me that all the dirty e-mails I've… Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too… Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem,…