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Lidiyaaaa

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Lidiyaaaa

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Lidiyaaaa's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42051) - you deserved it (5440)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML

#20529231
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22262) - you deserved it (45516)

On 03/03/2013 at 9:40am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

#20484067
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21873) - you deserved it (7960)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27034) - you deserved it (2216)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML

#19668387
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20753) - you deserved it (4412)

On 05/23/2012 at 4:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

#19615151
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7939) - you deserved it (41202)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:26am - work - by fired - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

#19453436
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18301) - you deserved it (47515)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML

#19411591
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22427) - you deserved it (3879)

On 04/05/2012 at 11:07am - animals - by tessamarque - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML

#19208526
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12287) - you deserved it (27388)

On 03/03/2012 at 11:12am - health - by Buttscratcher (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

#18766108
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44228) - you deserved it (4524)

On 01/10/2012 at 12:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - India

Today, at work, an overweight man riding an electric cart started peeing all around the store. I had to clean it up. FML

#18381890
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27760) - you deserved it (1954)

On 11/29/2011 at 12:34am - work - by kait - United States (New York)

Today, I told my five year old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML

#16746008
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33407) - you deserved it (6772)

On 06/19/2011 at 2:03pm - kids - by screwedwoman27 - United States

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill". He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

#15076677
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27897) - you deserved it (3685)

On 02/22/2011 at 9:28am - work - by Dean Heffern -

Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML

#14234444
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34849) - you deserved it (3163)

On 12/17/2010 at 11:05am - intimacy - by biblewanker - Australia

Today, after a costly fix for my brakes that failed a while back as I was going down a hill, I found a $130 bill in the mail attached to a speed camera photo of me shitting myself. FML

#12657021
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26141) - you deserved it (3563)

On 08/21/2010 at 1:25am - money - by car (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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