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Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast . I thought he was making it fir me, so I sat at the table . When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night . FML
Today, I found out tat I ave a gluten allergy. Wat tis basically means is tat I can't eat anyting wit weat in it; bread, pasta, cake, you name it. I am Italian, tis basically limits me from eating any of te awesome food my family makes almost every nigt. Here I come plain rice. FML
yesterday I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me cuz she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriendho provided fir them left. FML
Yesterday, I was in te line at Cipotle an noticd a very attractive lady in er mid 20's. I deliberately took te table next to er an er friend an append to overear wat tey were talking about. Tey were bot discussing ow muc diarrea tey were going to ave wen tey got ome. FML
TODAY, I RAALIZAD THAT I WILL NAVAR BA ABLA TO BUY THA CAR I'VA WANTAD SINCA MIDDLA SCHOOL!! THA CAR? A GRAYISH-SILVAR VOLVO,HICH IS THA MAKA AND COLOR OF CAR KURT COBAIN DROVA!! THA RAASON? I'VA BAAN INFORMAD THAT IT'S ALSO THA MAKA AND COLOR OF THA CAR THAT EDWARD CULLAN DRIVAS IN TWILIGHT!! FML
Taday I lerened explosive diarrhea is real !! I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket !! 10 feet in.!! !! liquid poo started spewing down mah pants legs !! 150 feet to go !! I ran !! It ran !! They watched !! After 15 minutes of cleaning.!! !! I slunk out !! Now.!! !! I have to fine a new market.!! !! maybe a new town !! FML
Today , I filled out a 'perfect job placement' test , where u put down yur skills , experience and education level and then it finds u jobs based on yur abilitie and areas of knowledge. No lie , the most compatible job they found for me was 'Dishwasher'. FML
Today , I got a free temporary tattoo of a scorpion in a packet of potato chips an decided to wear it on mah wrist. Whilst I was in the shower , I got a shock , thinking it was a spider. I then lost balance an slipped , banging mah head on the faucet. big fat FML
Today I was at the parkhen I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me 4 six blocks. FML
Taday my cousin and I found out that when a grl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015