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LdyJstc's favorite FMLs
by Christina / 06/29/2012 at 1:31am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I entered my first professional fight as a mixed martial artist. It's been my dream to become a UFC champion one day. All I do is train and watch UFC fights all day. I was out cold in a matter of seconds. FML
by yeah / 06/21/2012 at 11:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
Today, I was cutting the grass, it was really hot and I fainted. I woke up to see my mom standing over me. I thought she was going to freak out and call an ambulance. Instead she said, "Good, you're up. Now you can finish." FML
by Aw522 / 05/30/2012 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by yelyah / 03/29/2012 at 12:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML
by greeneyedpothead / 03/29/2012 at 2:33am / United States (California) / Transportation
by neverthesame / 03/28/2012 at 10:53pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got the feeling that my phone smelt of cigarettes and B.O. I smelt it, realised that it was my hands that smelt, then got confused and thought maybe it was my nose piercing that smelt. I then realised my psychology class was watching me trying to smell my own nose. FML
by Cass / 03/28/2012 at 10:03pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, one of my nostrils became completely blocked. At lunch time, I went out to my car to dig into my nose. When I finished, I held up the cornflake sized booger in victory. I noticed too late that my boss was in a car adjacent to me, shooting me a horrified look. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2012 at 12:25pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by Brittany / 03/27/2012 at 10:38pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML
by Laviolette / 02/23/2012 at 5:01pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love
Today, in a rush to get ready, I put on some "sexy" panties that I bought years ago. By the second hour of work, they were so tight and uncomfortable, I had to cut slits up the sides to avoid cutting off the circulation to my legs. FML
by too tight / 02/15/2012 at 6:26am / United States (Ohio) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/14/2012 at 7:39am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
by loveinanelevator / 02/13/2012 at 7:03am / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…