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LanPaladan

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LanPaladan

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  • Number of visits : 128
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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LanPaladan's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of LanPaladan's badges

LanPaladan's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up early, went to the gym, then came home and showered. When I went into my room to change, my mom woke up and started pounding on my door, screaming about how lazy and useless I was for sleeping so late. When I tried to tell her otherwise, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

#20735044
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51430) - you deserved it (3214)

On 06/19/2013 at 11:29am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML

#20661189
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47140) - you deserved it (5287)

On 05/13/2013 at 5:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was taking a really big test in a class that I was failing. It was worth at least 7 grades so I studied my butt off. During the test, a girl with huge breasts sat down next to me and I couldn't stop staring. My test got confiscated because they thought I was cheating. FML

#19414845
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9482) - you deserved it (50403)

On 04/05/2012 at 11:02pm - work - by tatatest (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend told me love is like a drug. I started tearing up because this is the most romantic he has been in a while. He then went on to break up with me, telling me that my "prescription is up". FML

#18577154
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30697) - you deserved it (3174)

On 12/22/2011 at 3:09am - love - by Jean - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

#17753266
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36283) - you deserved it (23341)

On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

#17174791
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52499) - you deserved it (6698)

On 07/19/2011 at 7:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

#14813410
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33660) - you deserved it (6812)

On 02/02/2011 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by jessica - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML

#14194626
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28167) - you deserved it (2812)

On 12/13/2010 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

#9086835
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26653) - you deserved it (5144)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

#5815085
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32301) - you deserved it (3469)

On 10/13/2009 at 11:52am - love - by dudezilla (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

#5189788
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41138) - you deserved it (6727)

On 09/11/2009 at 4:46pm - animals - by ouchh (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

#4157667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41054) - you deserved it (26521)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

#159589
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17864) - you deserved it (85027)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
507 comments

I agree, your life sucks (237330) - you deserved it (82079)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)



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