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LIL_Peanut

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LIL_Peanut

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 7 June 1985 (29 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 276
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About LIL_Peanut : Shit happens.

LIL_Peanut's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:15pm

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LIL_Peanut's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that my new boyfriend is the type of guy who, when there is a conflict, will just scream "I LOVE YOU" over and over hoping that it will solve itself instead of actually trying to work the problem out. FML

#16055177
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36298) - you deserved it (7197)

On 05/05/2011 at 10:40am - love - by sad (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

#16053231
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22301) - you deserved it (2967)

On 05/05/2011 at 2:13am - misc - by wow -

Today, I had to call the doctor to go and have them remove a tick that had got stuck to my man-parts while fishing. The receptionist laughed, she thought I was prank calling. FML

#16050622
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28082) - you deserved it (3124)

On 05/04/2011 at 10:38pm - health - by ouchies - United States

Today, is the third day my ring won't come off. I used soap, vegetable oil, lotion, soaked my hand in ice to make the swelling of my finger to come down, and even my mom pulled so hard she dislocated my finger. FML

#16044218
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33631) - you deserved it (5265)

On 05/04/2011 at 1:31pm - misc - by Madi Jenna - United States

Today, at work, a coworker started to tell me about his weekend, without me even asking. Halfway through his story, I started to daydream and lost track of time. Bored, I told him, "Hey man, I'll call you back, I've got to get back to work." Then I remembered I wasn't on the phone. FML

#15441546
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10974) - you deserved it (41439)

On 03/22/2011 at 11:46pm - work - by PFCdavila (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally got up the nerve to invite the guy I like to hang out at my house. It was also the day my mother decided that our house is a "pants optional zone," and that she should implement that policy immediately. While he was at our house. FML

#14802343
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23733) - you deserved it (2413)

On 02/01/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend spent an hour lecturing me on how I need to ask for what I want. So I asked him to delete a crappy picture he'd taken of me the night before. His response: "No, you don't always get what you want." FML

#14639216
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24616) - you deserved it (8705)

On 01/19/2011 at 2:19pm - love - by ugh (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

#14618568
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24967) - you deserved it (6857)

On 01/17/2011 at 9:08pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

#13555511
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8007) - you deserved it (31641)

On 10/22/2010 at 10:15pm - work - by qhu - United States (Florida)

Today, I was called to reports of a drunk and disorderly male. I arrived to discover a drunk man having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me me and shouted 'God save the Queen'. It's then that I remembered that it's my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28963) - you deserved it (3018)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved

Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML

#13024683
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6402) - you deserved it (36924)

On 09/12/2010 at 8:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, trying to take initiative, I wore nothing but an apron and led my husband to the kitchen by his knob to have some fun. I tripped on the floor and used his knob to keep balance. FML

#8797344
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19960) - you deserved it (6767)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by Sorry (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18687) - you deserved it (4972)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37301) - you deserved it (3314)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML

#6716817
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34424) - you deserved it (6028)

On 12/12/2009 at 12:23am - love - by MarkTheShark (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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