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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again. After I told him, he looks up and yells: "fuck this shit!" and walks out of the room. My son is nine years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50767) - you deserved it (18617)
On 06/27/2009 at 12:05am - kids - by poormom (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (41966) - you deserved it (7163)
On 06/26/2009 at 10:22am - love - by shouldhaveknown (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17350) - you deserved it (171835)
On 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by ouchers (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to put my laptop on a desk when I got a text message. I was startled by my ringtone and dropped my laptop on the ground. It now has dent marks on the bottom. The text message was from an annoying friend simply saying "I'm eating a hot dog." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34109) - you deserved it (9315)
On 05/31/2009 at 6:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44291) - you deserved it (1670)
On 05/30/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by willieboom (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was hit by a truck while walking to school. It was the driver's fault as I was in a crosswalk. My parents met me at the hospital where I had minor injuries. They began discussing what the insurance money would be spent on. They decided on a second honeymoon to Las Vegas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44996) - you deserved it (1591)
On 05/29/2009 at 7:21pm - money - by screwed (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14999) - you deserved it (158487)
On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (120445) - you deserved it (28815)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22858) - you deserved it (64741)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43300) - you deserved it (5679)
On 05/17/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24564) - you deserved it (30224)
On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my mom and I were watching this movie in which some girls start making out. My mother calls them "sinners" and that they will "burn in hell twice". Then she says "God doesn't like gays". I'm a lesbian. I picked out this movie as a way of coming out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (74906) - you deserved it (9701)
On 05/07/2009 at 9:39pm - love - by HidenSeek (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19823) - you deserved it (185748)
On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then walked into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poking his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29260) - you deserved it (210182)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40701) - you deserved it (114323)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
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