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Kriiistenn's favorite FMLs
by Lily_Rain77 / 01/07/2015 at 7:52pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML
by Waterfalls / 10/07/2014 at 7:33am / United States (California) / Health
Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML
by theseguysarewhipped... / 10/06/2014 at 11:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML
by drunk under 18 teenager / 08/19/2014 at 9:37am / Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz) / Geek
by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Idaho) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
by Unknown / 02/07/2014 at 9:18am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
by sabz21 / 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
by Elisa_LmR / 01/03/2014 at 6:28pm / France / Miscellaneous
by laurenasabutton / 12/30/2013 at 8:07am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Health
Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2013 at 7:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by queenxalee / 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML
by Shady_Soldier / 10/31/2013 at 4:41am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by roundtherose / 10/12/2013 at 9:59pm / United States (Alaska) / Miscellaneous
by Ellie / 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
- Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed… Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every… Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one…
- Today, a lady came in with an overheating car for emissions testing. I told her to turn it off, she… Today, while trying to search for a recipe on my fiance's phone a hookup website popped up in his… Today after a ten hour shift at work I came home to the meatloaf my girlfriend made on the stove. I…