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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11549) - you deserved it (25764)
On 11/28/2009 at 8:53pm - misc - by figures - United States
Today, I woke up with a ridiculous hangover and no memory of last night. I called my friend who told me that I was so trashed I ended up eating all the hamburgers and chicken fingers in her fridge. I've been a vegetarian for 15 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7839) - you deserved it (32029)
On 11/18/2009 at 4:11pm - misc - by squishy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32014) - you deserved it (3127)
On 10/17/2009 at 5:08pm - kids - by hamster cookie - Sent from mobile version
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29847) - you deserved it (1785)
On 10/16/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by xXx (man) - United States (California)
Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51570) - you deserved it (1632)
On 09/29/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by rainedaddy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, the dry cleaner next to my house went up in flames. I went outside to look at the fire, as I looked on in amazement I realized I had dropped off all of my work clothes at the cleaners two days before. I was supposed to pick them up today but was too lazy to walk the 10 feet to the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8298) - you deserved it (43033)
On 08/11/2009 at 11:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (89161) - you deserved it (2802)
On 08/05/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I was on my couch when my landlord walked in. He asked what I was doing there. I responded with the same question. Apparently my roommate forgot to call me and tell me that our lease ended three days ago. I am now standing in the parking lot with all my belongings, and it is raining. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41156) - you deserved it (4889)
On 08/04/2009 at 6:12pm - misc - by bigryngf (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14430) - you deserved it (33386)
On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52115) - you deserved it (1918)
On 07/27/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52341) - you deserved it (2139)
On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13347) - you deserved it (36294)
On 07/27/2009 at 12:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I went on the large bungee drop at the West Edmonton Mall waterpark. As I was falling, my bikini top came off. I had to wait for the bungee rope to stop moving and the life guard to release the ankle strap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32445) - you deserved it (9233)
On 07/26/2009 at 4:06pm - misc - by HorrorByrd (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56279) - you deserved it (2824)
On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5703) - you deserved it (82110)
On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
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