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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15614) - you deserved it (8279)
On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18379) - you deserved it (1239)
On 09/18/2012 at 8:42pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19658) - you deserved it (4033)
On 09/11/2012 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by apparently inexperienced (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14227) - you deserved it (8493)
On 09/02/2012 at 11:38am - intimacy - by scot - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13664) - you deserved it (32193)
On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24542) - you deserved it (7320)
On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, at college, we had a substitute philosophy teacher, because our professor is on bereavement leave. During his presentation, the sub managed to segue from the early works of Immanuel Kant straight into "the myth of the vaginal orgasm." I'm still shocked and highly confused. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11711) - you deserved it (1069)
On 08/31/2012 at 7:40pm - misc - by what.....? (woman) - United States
Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, my bra snapped. I then had to ask my male boss if I could staple it back together. Thirty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to my boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15470) - you deserved it (1327)
On 08/31/2012 at 1:23am - misc - by thatgirl17 - United States
Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23069) - you deserved it (4403)
On 08/30/2012 at 10:45pm - intimacy - by Geckosrock99 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22182) - you deserved it (4125)
On 08/29/2012 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11438) - you deserved it (25958)
On 08/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Bethany (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19675) - you deserved it (2469)
On 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18815) - you deserved it (1653)
On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25499) - you deserved it (1992)
On 08/26/2012 at 1:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend cutely climbed through my bedroom window for some sexy time. He decided he'd introduce bondage. As I was tied to the bed, completely naked, we heard the front door open. He got scared and left via the window, leaving me handcuffed to my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22678) - you deserved it (5291)
On 08/11/2012 at 2:53am - intimacy - by dafuqdidihear (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 17 June 2013
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