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Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. I opened my eyes to see his eyes fixed on something else. I turned my head to see what was so interesting. He was on his iPhone looking up recipes for things to wrap in bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38277) - you totally deserved it (3850)
On 06/27/2009 at 10:29am - love - by a_B_c_D_e_F_g (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31589) - you totally deserved it (6532)
On 06/26/2009 at 8:29pm - misc - by lifesmells - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41827) - you totally deserved it (1498)
On 06/26/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Chedder (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11407) - you totally deserved it (29191)
On 06/26/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by Saucy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62440) - you totally deserved it (4239)
On 06/26/2009 at 10:31am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36749) - you totally deserved it (3848)
On 06/26/2009 at 5:51am - money - by xero_art (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us's eyes met mine. I mouthed, "Sorry." and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be.". FML
I agree, your life sucks (44865) - you totally deserved it (8292)
On 06/26/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ILuvYouSoldiers (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51102) - you totally deserved it (6386)
On 06/25/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38982) - you totally deserved it (8244)
On 06/23/2009 at 7:05pm - misc - by nicklesg (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24169) - you totally deserved it (12283)
On 06/21/2009 at 6:10pm - kids - by loli-conned (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7232) - you totally deserved it (31716)
On 06/19/2009 at 11:17pm - money - by pinkplasticjesus (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I accidentally left my concession card in the photocopier. I then got fined for not having a concession card on the train. I was photocopying it for a letter to get out of a fine for not having a concession card. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8899) - you totally deserved it (23990)
On 06/14/2009 at 9:16am - money - by LordAdam (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13744) - you totally deserved it (51641)
On 06/12/2009 at 4:45pm - money - by beatenbyabum (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door "Are you jacking off in there or something?!" and him scream back at her "Shut up you F*ing cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64219) - you totally deserved it (37564)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my father's company shut down his branch, leaving him without a job. This is followed by a letter from my school's financial aid office, saying I'm not getting a penny because my family's income level is too high. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41736) - you totally deserved it (1363)
On 06/09/2009 at 8:16am - money - by dammit (woman) - United States (Georgia)
