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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53244) - you deserved it (5240)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12075) - you deserved it (151031)
On 04/28/2009 at 7:16am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I got kicked in the face at a soccer game. Everybody clapped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53472) - you deserved it (6546)
On 04/26/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by Tal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68893) - you deserved it (3768)
On 04/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by calliefml (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18943) - you deserved it (57320)
On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (76523) - you deserved it (5388)
On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12140) - you deserved it (67764)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:48am - work - by StevieMe (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I were having some fertilization problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said "mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59849) - you deserved it (3278)
On 04/05/2009 at 9:32am - health - by manlyman (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said there was someone else, and that he has been in love with her for a while. Turns out, the new girl was his online video game character. I got dumped for a video game. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76248) - you deserved it (6262)
On 03/27/2009 at 1:12am - love - by w00tz (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10264) - you deserved it (126824)
On 03/27/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by rutho (man) - United States (California)
Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (89808) - you deserved it (5534)
On 03/26/2009 at 9:38pm - love - by bride (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25806) - you deserved it (92935)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by douchetard (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66788) - you deserved it (6653)
On 03/24/2009 at 6:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my girl handcuffed me to the bed. I willingly let her thinking we were about to have some fun. She then took my phone and read a sent message; 'Wanna hook up?' to my ex. She left me cuffed and blindfolded, and painted my nails before she left. The sent message was from before I met her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60412) - you deserved it (41782)
On 03/24/2009 at 4:46am - intimacy - by littleman (man) - Hong Kong
Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (281) - you deserved it (3828)
On 03/23/2009 at 6:46pm - animals - by birthdayfun (man) - United States (Texas)
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