KiritoSAO

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KiritoSAO

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  • Number of visits : 315
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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50 favourites

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KiritoSAO's favorite FMLs

Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 12:13am / United States / Love

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

by chattyloz / 02/07/2013 at 7:31am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

by Brock / 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

by wilks311 / 02/02/2013 at 9:12am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

by Fireguy92 / 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

by jay ze punk / 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

by Kitten_Love / 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm / Animals

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

by yourmainman / 01/28/2013 at 12:03am / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2013 at 12:20pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

by airbiscuit / 01/21/2013 at 7:36am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

by AnonCat / 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, after recently breaking up with my boyfriend, I unknowingly washed my laundry using his washing tabs. My whole wardrobe now smells like my ex. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2013 at 11:50am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

by wetsheets / 01/07/2013 at 8:01am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggered an extreme asthma attack. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 9:45pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy