i like: cars, fixed gear bikes, girls, music, pulling practical jokes, making fun of people, making new friends.
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (135059) - you totally deserved it (30723)
On 02/26/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Picaresque (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (52615) - you totally deserved it (13148)
On 02/24/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by addictedtofml (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML
I agree, your life sucks (100970) - you totally deserved it (20774)
On 02/22/2009 at 10:10am - misc - by CrimsonHills (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was approached by a girl who called me a slut for sleeping with her boyfriend, then proceeded to punch me in the face. I'm a virgin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50755) - you totally deserved it (1523)
On 02/21/2009 at 6:37pm - misc - by well then... (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6401) - you totally deserved it (41322)
On 02/21/2009 at 4:57pm - misc - by Dani (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32678) - you totally deserved it (3450)
On 02/20/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by allyshah - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (297508) - you totally deserved it (11154)
On 02/20/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by C Me Rollin (man) - United States
Today, I was looking down at my paper in class and my spanish teacher asked if I was sleeping or not. I'm Asian. My eyes were open. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35267) - you totally deserved it (3309)
On 02/20/2009 at 10:28am - misc - by greateasian (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (283909) - you totally deserved it (15581)
On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my mom found a condom in my pocket while doing my laundry. Instead of having the subsequent discussion about the birds and the bees my mother simply asked "Who would have sex with you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (34767) - you totally deserved it (2968)
On 02/19/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by dpl (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I walked in on my mom changing. She was trying on a thong my boyfriend bought me for Valentine's Day. It looks better on her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30817) - you totally deserved it (2457)
On 02/18/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by wnrz (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44582) - you totally deserved it (2823)
On 02/17/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by stillsingleladies (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my friends and I decided that we were going to make fun of our teacher by laughing as hard as we could at the first thing he said because he was always cracking horrible jokes. He walked in and told us his father had just passed. I was the only one to laugh. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6958) - you totally deserved it (72588)
On 02/16/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by pinestrawboy (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said "See you in a decade." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27561) - you totally deserved it (3890)
On 02/16/2009 at 10:05am - misc - by mags (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I ran over a beer bottle which popped my car tire, which then caused me to swerve into a police cruiser. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41912) - you totally deserved it (2194)
On 02/15/2009 at 8:28am - misc - by andjusticeforall (man) - United States (Illinois)
