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Kingkiwi

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Kingkiwi

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 577
  • Number of comments : 39
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Kingkiwi : Giggity.

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Kingkiwi's favorite FMLs

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26151) - you deserved it (2140)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, my wedding ring went missing. Later, my 3-year-old came to me crying, he'd got it stuck on his penis. When I tried to get it off, he peed on me. FML

#20108644
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32998) - you deserved it (3436)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:53am - kids - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML

#19993096
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8952) - you deserved it (26486)

On 07/30/2012 at 6:21pm - misc - by NaKreen (man) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

#19770940
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19340) - you deserved it (2851)

On 06/11/2012 at 2:16pm - work - by bronieswillrule5eva (man) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

#19279132
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32883) - you deserved it (5851)

On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)

Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML

#18229503
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17532) - you deserved it (5306)

On 11/12/2011 at 4:13pm - health - by Courtney (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML

#18227248
465 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40955) - you deserved it (3177) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/12/2011 at 10:42am - misc - by Nico - France

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

#17488478
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7188) - you deserved it (65672)

On 08/16/2011 at 6:17am - animals - by NaniNarcotic - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I took my mom to Victoria's Secret to help her find a bra. She made me try one on to see if it looked good on me. Turns out we have the same cup size. I'm a guy. FML

#17080127
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19990) - you deserved it (47703)

On 07/12/2011 at 12:45pm - misc - by sm702 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

#16128268
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33028) - you deserved it (14661)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

#16101317
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41344) - you deserved it (17430)

On 05/09/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by coldwetnose (woman) - United States

Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML

#13031931
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36919) - you deserved it (12099)

On 09/13/2010 at 5:14am - love - by vikinggirl (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML

#13030985
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24864) - you deserved it (2860)

On 09/13/2010 at 2:49am - misc - by edwinduarte1 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

#12964017
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58802) - you deserved it (3046)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:23pm - animals - by jrad - United States (Georgia)



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