About Kingkiwi : Giggity.
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Kingkiwi's favorite FMLs
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids
Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
by NaKreen / 07/30/2012 at 6:21pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML
by bronieswillrule5eva / 06/11/2012 at 2:16pm / Canada (Prince Edward Island) / Work
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
by PUA / 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Courtney / 11/12/2011 at 4:13pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by Nico / 11/12/2011 at 10:42am / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
by NaniNarcotic / 08/16/2011 at 6:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Animals
by sm702 / 07/12/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 10:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by coldwetnose / 05/09/2011 at 2:08am / United States / Intimacy
Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML
by Anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 2:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
by vikinggirl / 09/13/2010 at 5:14am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML
by edwinduarte1 / 09/13/2010 at 2:49am / Miscellaneous
by jrad / 09/08/2010 at 3:23pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…